remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
