My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
