How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
