ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
