If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
