when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
