i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Couch. On fire.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
