ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
