I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
