You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
