her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
