I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
