1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
