stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
