i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
where are you?
Hypothermia
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
