i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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