I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
