There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
