The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
