I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
