at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Randomize
