also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
