Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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