Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
