Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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