i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
