Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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