Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
