Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
...so i touched it.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
