So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
