We're facebook friends in real life
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
