its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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