i permit you to call me
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
