Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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