I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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