I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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