dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
