The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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