i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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