I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
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