Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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