Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
