just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
