piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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