I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
