Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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