it hurts more in the daytime
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
