Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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