are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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