Sorry, I don't speak sober.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
