i barfeds in our rink
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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