8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
