Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
